Resolute: firm, steadfast, fixed, unwavering, undaunted
Looking back over the past couple of years I am amazed by all that has happened. I can remember a few years back listening to one of my favorite songs and wanting to believe that God could do that in my life. He could move these mountains that had held me back for so long. He could move me into a place of peace. That I could live like I used to dream, but to be honest I couldnt have dreamed up the life Im living right now. Sadly those that have never seen the light, never miss it. I could not have imagined this life. This joy goes beyond the best Hollywood ending. Its more than a fairytale and its better than a knight in shining armour.
I have come to know the freedom of living in the light. Hiding nothing from my savior. Concealing no secrets from my wonderful counselor. Living with no fear of the past and only hope for the future.
I have had my relationship with Scott restored, rejuvenated and rebuilt. Not on our past, but on our future. We are learning new things about eachother everyday and being made new everyday. I love him more today than ever before and God has opened my eyes to what a wonderful gift he is.
I have been healed (and still am) from the painful memories of my childhood and because of that I have become a more patient parent. I stopped beating myself up for not being perfect and have found that a gave myself far to little credit. I am a mother who loves her kids enough to get help when she needs to and who is willing to admit when I am wrong.
I have stepped out and taken risk that I was terrified to take. I have said "I will" in spite of the fact that every part of me was screaming "I cant!"
Most importantly I have come to know Christ in a way that a few years back I would have laughed at. There is a fairytale ending and a knight in shining armour. It just happens to take place somewhere after me falling to my knees in disbelief and reaching for something beyond myself.
So I sit here today looking ahead. Planning my new years resolutions. Deciding on what changes need to be made. I pray that I walk into this new year with the same determination that God had with me.....
He was resolute in his plans to heal me and make me his. His love for me never wavered. His plans for me went undaunted. His gaze was fixed upon me and he steadily led me to the life he had promised.
That is the promise that moves me forward with confidence. No matter what this new year brings I know that I can handle it because he is by my side.